Comedy & Tragedy
by lostangel007
Summary: What happens when a fever induced Joker is dragged to the Gotham City Opera House by Harley Quinn?


Disclaimer: All characters are property of DC comics.

"Have you ever been in love, Mr. Joker?"

He could not remember who had asked him that question. He knew it was pretty far back, in his past, and was almost certain it had been one of the quacks at the mental hospital. Or was it Harley Quinn? He could defiantly imagine her asking him such a question, but the "Mr. Joker" part threw him for a loop, as if it indeed _was_ Harley Quinn who had asked said question; she would have called him "Mr. J" and probably not "Mr. Joker." Actually, he did not care.

His twisted mind conjured up the twisted question once again, because he had been reminded of it. And in his twisted mine, he answered himself:

_No, and never!_

Harley Quinn was driving him particularly insane that day, and it was not the kind of insane he enjoyed. He was flu-stricken, and it was the middle of the winter. Laryngitis plagued his throat; and no matter what gestures or scowls he made to Harley to just let him be, she was insistent.

She provided him with cough medicine, honey for his throat, warm blankets, frequent temperature checks, and magazines he had less than zero interest in. She doted on him constantly, just smiled at his grouchy mood, and simply shrugged it off when he grabbed the fuzzy bunny slippers she brought him, and threw them out the window. Harley knew he could have done a lot worst.

Harley had one plan, and one plan only for the night of January sixth: to see the opera, and to take her "Puddin" with her.

The Joker was at his very weakest, and knew that not even he could escape Harley's date, as she had been talking about for three months. He thought perhaps that when he first got sick, he had easily escaped it, but now as he watched her dancing about the room, and singing about the opera, that maybe, just maybe she was as insane as he was.

The cold medicine was beginning to make him drowsy.

Harley noticed this, and bit her painted lip as she looked at the bottle.

"Shoot, Mr. J, I should have given you the day medicine."

He was too weak to answer.

At seven pm on the dot, he knew he was in trouble. That was the time they where to leave. He looked at her with such a pitiful look on his white face, that even Batman would have felt sorry for him at that moment.

She had left the room for a minute, to grab her coat. If he had any strength, he would have escaped. She returned wearing her new winter coat, it matched her harlequin outfit of red, black, and white. She did a spin for him, but the Joker just wanted to faint.

"Come on, Puddin! This is the moment we have been waiting for-now I know your not feeling your best, but at least you get to sit all night." She grabbed his arm and pulled, and he thought he might be sick.

"What a wonderful night it's going to be!"

Outside the Gotham City Opera House, there hung the giant brass "comedy and tragedy" masks. She pointed to it giddily, excited that they where finally standing in front of the Opera House. The Joker, in turn, coughed.

"Come on, we're gonna use the performer's entrance!" She pulled him to a side door that read: "Performer's Only." Upon entering, he found himself to be in a bevy of clowns, court jesters, and harlequins. He put a hand to his forehead, for he knew now that the fever had gotten the best of him. Harley clutched onto his arm.

"This is going to be great! It will be like an opera, _about us_!" She squealed with glee. The painted actors and actresses did not seem to notice the two as they made their way past dressing rooms, and out into the theater.

"Let's go up there!" Harley pointed to the balcony. The Joker moaned.

"Must we?" he asked weakly, but Harley did not hear him. She was pulling on his arm as she made her way up the carpeted steps that led to the balcony.

"Over here, Mr. J, it's perfect!" she whispered excitedly as she led him to the first row that was on the balcony. The Joker coughed a little, and the stuffy man that was seated behind the two gave a very audible sigh, to show his distaste for being seated behind a cougher.

It was not long before the lights suddenly darkened, and the crowd that was seated in the theater hushed. A moment later, the red curtain parted, and a male clown, dressed in all white, complete with a white ruffle around his neck, was seen in the center of the stage. He was still, with his head bowed, and his eyes closed. The entire theater was silent, except for the Joker's cough. Harley cringed a little at this, but hoped for the best.

After what seemed like five minutes, the clown on stage finally opened his painted mouth, and began to sing in Italian. His voice was very strong and powerful, one you would not think to belong to that of a clown. He was holding a red rose.

Harley sighed. The Joker sneezed, and the man seated behind the two sighed as well, but a much different sigh than that of Harley's.

"Isn't it beautiful, Mr. J?" Harley whispered to him at long last. "He is singing of his one true love."

"How do YOU know?" The Joker sniffed. Another performer entered the stage then; she was dressed in a harlequin's outfit. Harley gave out a squeal of delight, and the man behind her shushed her. Harley ignored this, as all she cared about was what was to happen next on the stage.

The Joker rolled his eyes at seeing the harlequin approach the white clown on stage.

"I can see where this is going." He mumbled.

"I know," began Harley. "It is so romantic!"

The harlequin stretched her arms out towards her love, and began to answer his song in her falsetto voice.

"Oh, please-don't tell me that she's going to sing too?!" The Joker slapped a hand to his feverish forehead.

The two performers on stage embraced.

Harley reached for the Joker's hand. "It's like watching a show about me and you, Mr. J." She wiped a tear from her eye.

"Auuugh-No!" he could not help but yell out. The actor's on stage flinched a little, but then continued performing. The man that was seated directly behind the two got up and left. The Joker could really feel his fever kicking in then-the two actor's on the stage where beginning to get blurry.

Harley was praying that the manager of the Opera House would not come and throw them out; she slunk down in her seat after the Joker's outburst. She just wanted to see how the show ended-if the clown, and his harlequin would stay together. She so hoped they would. In fact, she had her fingers crossed for it. Her other hand was still clutching on to Mr. J's hand.

Much to Harley's delight, nobody came and asked them to leave. The Joker slunk down in his seat as well, but this was due to feeling miserable, and not to the hope of not being caught. Harley was thrilled when the curtain closed on the first act. They had made it all the way through act one!

Harley jumped out of her seat, and gave a standing ovation. When the lights came up, she bounced back down happily into her seat, and the Joker wearily stood up from his.

"Do you have to go to the bathroom, Puddin?"

"The bathroom? No, in case you have not noticed, the show's over. You had your fun. I'm outta here."

"Oh, surely, you _jest_!" Harley grabbed his arm, and pulled him back down into his seat. "It's not over yet, Mr. J! That was just the first act!" she gleefully explained. "There's more!"

"More?" The Joker said very weakly. He thought he might burst into sobs.

"Yes, isn't it grand?"

"Ohhhhhh-" The Joker was sure he was at his worst now, and began to realize that this was not the way he ever planned on going.

Act two had begun, and the same two actors' where once again singing to each other-of love, pain, happiness, sadness-the Joker did not know this, nor did he care. Harley tried to follow along the best she could.

"Oh, they are so in love!" breathed Harley.

The Joker was at his worst now. Too weak to hardly move, he stared stupidly at the enormous "comedy and tragedy" mask that was hanging above the stage. It was an exact duplicate of the one outside the Opera House, only larger. It seemed to blink its eyes at him. He blinked, in turn. Was the fever really getting the better of him? It seemed to move its mouths at him, both masks, one happy, one sad-where now laughing at him.

He was very much burning up at this point, and he removed his coat that he had put on during intermission, wanting to leave. It was then that he spotted someone down below, in the very first row. The person, in question, stood up then, and started down the aisle.

The Joker could recognize that "person" anywhere-the Batman. Right then, Batman looked up to the balcony, and winked and pointed at the wide-eyed Joker, and kept on down the aisle.

The Joker knew that this was all part of his fever. He was delirious now, and his mind was playing tricks on him. But even upon this realization, he could not stop himself from doing what he did next:

"IS THERE A BATMAN IN THE HOUSE?"

He stood up, and called out, over the balcony. The clown and harlequin on stage stopped singing, and looked up towards the balcony, shocked and confused. Everybody in the theater turned in his or her seats to see who had called out, and interrupted the performance. Harley bit her lip, and slid down into her seat. The Joker went on:

"BECAUSE IF THERE IS A BATMAN IN THE HOUSE I REALLY NEED HIM TO SAVE ME."

. The Joker then got an idea. He turned around to where he thought the lighting booth was, and called in that direction:

"HEY, YOU IDIOTS! HURRY UP, HELP ME OUT AND THROW OUT A BAT SIGNAL! OR WHATEVER IS THAT YOU NEED TO CALL BATMAN. I'M SURE YOU LIGHTING FOOLS COULD FIGURE SOMETHING OUT."

That was the last thing the Joker remembered doing, before he blacked out.

When the Joker came too, he was in his own bed, and Harley was standing over him, holding a thermometer.

"Well, we didn't make it through the first act." She said sadly, and started to leave the room. "I'll get you something for your fever."

The Joker remembered everything that had happened at the Opera House. He was just happy that he was not there still, watching that horrid play. He had gotten himself out of it. He smiled a little at the thought of it.

Harley reentered the room a minute later, holding a bottle of medicine, and something else she was hiding behind her back. She had a mischievous look in her eye.

"It's all right though, because guess what I rented at the video store, Puddin?"

A sense of dread began to come over the Joker.

"Ta-Da!" Harley held a video box in front of him. "I found the video-version of my favorite opera! And the best news is, it's a five-day rental! We can watch it over and over and over, while your sick here in bed."

The Joker's first reaction was to scream, but then a thought came into his head. He slapped his hand on his night table for a piece of paper, and upon finding the small paper bag that Harley had so thoughtfully brought his medicine in, snatched it, and tried his best to construct a paper-bat out of. He then kneeled on his bed, and opened his window, holding the paper-bat up.

"Harley, do fetch me a flashlight please."


End file.
